His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
