Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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