seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
