You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
