she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
