We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
