someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
