Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
