they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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