I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
worst night to have a conscience
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
