somebody snuck up and got me drunk
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
