Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I think I just sharted jello shots
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