"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
