Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
