I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
