my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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