I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
