How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
