CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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