Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
