I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I can text with my tongue
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
