I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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