NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Terrible idea I love it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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