In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
