He is like the real live version of the state fair..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
