Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
