so that wasnt chicken after all
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
