The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
