she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
