My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
