I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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