Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
