when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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