The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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