in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
