How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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