it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
