I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
