There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
