i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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