where does the pee come out of this thing
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
