No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
