if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
