how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
