I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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