Your face is a jimmy john
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
