i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
