Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
