why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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