Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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