I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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