I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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