Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
