Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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