I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
