one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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